Goodbye February~

i writing this very first sentence along with deep sigh.
i'll tell what happen on my February.
my February is't as bright as i wishing it for,
the gloomy cloud still hangin' in every single corner and do not want to move.
if you don't put any interest at my current life situation, you better walk out start from here.

okay, this is the story.
on the last week of February i have an wedding invitation from my SHS friends.
actually the one who get married is not her but her brother, since we're a close friends
she sent me the wedding invitation, wait it is not me but for our whole class mate.
the wedding held on Sundays that's also my happen as my free time.
and since i don't have a plan yet about how to spend my Sunday,
so i decided to come and join the party.
yes here  there is, the beginning of my never ending cloudly February.
there is only three people that will come including me,
2 woman and 1 man, we talk beforhead that it'll be too waste if we drive car separate ways
so the only man between us decide to give free ride and pick up the remain lady at home.

so he come and pick me first and FYI we're just common SHS friend we're not that often to meet
it's maybe just like once in two months, uhm~ i'm not sure either.
but there is one thing that i sure as much as i believe that earth is round is i've develop a feeling on him.
this is not very recent but also not that long,
it start to build when we meet for some wedding party.

after the wedding party we decide to grab a coffee.
and during our chattering moment i always missread the gesture.
oh someone please throw a coffe to my face so i can be sober.
you may think i'm insane or out of my mind.
and yes the wrong is on me, i keep misunderstand his gesture as a signal for me.
the gesture is just natural or maybe the usual that he had, but again i missread it.
i missunderstand it as one "kind" of signal.
you damn signal!

i am a type of a girl who bury the feeling deep inside me.
i'll not happen in one of million ways of me showing it.
why? because i hardly can deal with the after effect.
you know my heart can't accept the worst scenario, even though that may not happen.
but i can't control my mind my heart i'll turn to such paranoia.

after the coffee on the road to my home, we start talking about family, a plan a future just random talkin'
please please save me! the more i write the more i realize how stupid i am.
i take that random talk more than i should, i conclude that he's also interest in me.
after seeing the pic from the wedding my friends telling me that i should make a step forward.
a damn stupid me, i follow her instruction and sent message to him.
*adding storm background music*
the message sent and i don't get the reply. yes!!! i dont get the stupid reply!
this is very embarrassing for me, i can't take it for the rest of my life and the life after.
i think he may confuse and think that what's happen with this stupid girl!
why do she text me? do her think i like her?
*boom* just kill me right now!

i even think to delete my massage service.
i dont think i'll have the courage to meet him in the future.
sadly that was the story, again i write it here to calm my mind a bit.
so that is.
*ending it with more hard sigh*